waterworks

why am i such a crybaby? i cry when i'm happy, i cry when i'm sad, i cry when i'm angry. i can live with the happy tears because it's just a few tears of overwhelming joy. when i'm sad... well, it depends on what kind of sad i'm talking about. there's the kind of sad of losing someone (whether to death or to physical & emotional distance or, in the past, because we both agreed things weren't working out) i care about deeply and i mourn for the loss. or the kind of sad when my hormones are out of sync and every little thing seems like such a big deal. in those two instances, it's not so bad because crying is cathartic for me then. there's the other one when i cry through a sad story of a friend or of a loved one or because i feel lonely or from watching a movie that i can relate to... i cry then because i'm human, and i know how it feels. but the ones i detest most are when i cry because i'm so furious and hurt over something someone has done to me and what i really want to do is subject that person to a worse pain than he or she has caused me and curse him or her to eternal damnation... but i cry instead 'coz i can't do that. and there's the crying when i feel utterly helpless... that no matter how hard i try or no matter what i say, there's nothing i can do to change anything. these are the tears that exhaust me and after i'm done with the all-out howling and bawling... nothing's changed.