Imperfectly perfect at SEVEN

J and I are celebrating our seventh year of marriage today. We both can't help but be amazed at how the years seem to have whizzed by. :L

It hasn't been a picture perfect relationship but we have been able to take whatever life has thrown at us so far. We've been blessed with two beautiful kids and a love that has enabled us to stay committed to our marriage and to each other.

As I look at where we are now in our lives as a couple, lines from Ani DiFranco's song Imperfectly keeps playing in my head:

We get a little further from perfection
Each year on the road,
I guess that's what they call character,
I guess that's just the way it goes... 

And I know that it's not all
It's made out to be
Let's show them how it's done
Let's do it all imperfectly.

We've gotten past the starry-eyed naiveté typical of newlyweds and have plunged headlong into a life where plans continue to change or fall apart, of expectations that haven't been or aren't met but which sometimes turn out for the better, and of dreams that we have sacrificed or are letting go of because we realize that life is no longer all about our individual selves.

But you know what's the best part of it all? It's knowing that it's better to go through all these ups and downs of marriage with my best friend by my side and believing that together we can take whatever else is going to come our way.

Happy Anniversary, Dadoo. I love you. <3


Mood Music: Imperfectly by Ani DiFranco

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We said "Cheese!"

It's been a week since we had our group photo shoot and I still get molar-to-molar smiles every time I look at our pictures. I had no idea how hard it is to be a model in a photo shoot, whew! I think we spent the first hour and a half just trying to loosen up to get rid of our awkward smiles and poses. None of us except Eisilane, who has worked as a local model since we were in high school, has ever had any camwhore-ish inclinations so you can just imagine how difficult it was for us. When we finally did start getting the hang of it, it also began to rain to we had to pack up early and go home.

Anyway, here are a few outtakes of our hilariously fun day together. And please humor us old fogeys. ;)

The "Queen's" transformation.

Olga getting her makeup and hair done then trying out Keith's wig.

Keith tried to get a close-up of my eyes but ended up snapping my big face.

In-between shots.

Eisilane's still doing the post processing for the photos that came out well and I'll share a couple once she sends them out to us. We also talked about planning another shoot in August. That should give us enough time to lose some weight and for Keith, our "queen", to minimize his sun exposure and get a little fairer skinned. I also think we'll be more at ease next time because we now have an idea what's expected of us. 

All in all, it was a wonderful day spent eating, heckling and laughing at ourselves and at each other. There's nothing quite like the comfort of spending time with people who've seen you at your best and worst.

"Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters." - DMB

Mood Music: Best of What's Around by Dave Matthews Band

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Strike a pose

Last Wednesday, I met up with three of my closest friends from high school. We discussed the group photo shoot we'll be having this Saturday over bowls of halo-halo and platters of pancit. Originally, the shoot was supposed to be for Keith alone with Eisilane as his makeup artist/stylist/photographer (she's our all-around artist). But since Olga and I couldn't bear to pass up on an opportunity to heckle the bakla to death, we said that we'd tag along. Eisilane's hubby then suggested that we turn it into a group thing with him doing the photog work instead.

I've never been the subject of a real photo shoot that's why I'm feeling a bit apprehensive. I don't want to end up looking like I tried too hard. However, knowing my friends, I know it's going to be a riot on Saturday. Plus I'll be getting an impromptu lesson on taking portraits from Elaine. :D

Anyway, I hope all goes well tomorrow. If it does, I'll try to post some of our behind-the-scenes photos next week. And if it doesn't, at least I'm sure we will have had lots of fun trying. 

Posted with Blogsy

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"...you won't like me when I'm angry."

I am seething with anger right now. If there's one thing I absolutely hate is when people don't address me directly when they have something to say to me. I believe it's the height of poor taste, immaturity and ill-breeding when a person resorts to indirect verbal aggression instead of confronting someone and talking to them in a civilized manner.

Act your damned age, for cripes' sake! I've tried to tolerate your juvenile attitude for long enough and only out of respect for certain people. But you've finally crossed the line and I have no qualms about cutting you out of my life. You are a miserable, sad little person and it's not my responsibility to give you any love or understanding. Good fucking riddance.

BUT, before then...

Mood Music: Taste Revenge by Sanctuary

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on time, distance and friendship

As I've grown older and as my life has changed, staying in touch with old friends has become more difficult. Several, myself included, have moved away to different cities or countries. We've also become very busy being parents, husbands and wives, career people or all of the above.

Personally, I would love to be able to touch base with my closest pals regularly but time and distance are big hurdles to overcome. I'm sad to say these hurdles have managed to make a few friendships that I thought would last grow stale. I guess those were the kinds that were in my life for just a season but they were wonderful while they lasted.

I am very grateful though for my friendships with people who don't mind if we don't talk, chat online or email each other for months on end because when we finally do manage to catch up, it's like no time has passed at all. We seem to pick up right where we left off - no awkward attempts at conversation and no uncomfortable silences. The words tumble out freely and the laughter overflows. These are the ones that continue to enrich my life and which I hope will last a lifetime.


Mood Music: Friends by Elton John and Bernie Taupin

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there's always a next time

"No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I've been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again — till next time. I've learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed." — Madeleine L'Engle

Our fourth wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days and I couldn't help but relate to the above quote. Marriage isn't something that people just breeze through. I know we don't. No matter how happy or content we may appear, our life is not a fairytale. But, with every fight or rough patch we may go through, we keep going, fueled by our commitment to make it work and our love continues to grow in ways we never thought was possible.

Mood Music: When I'm 64 by The Beatles

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PLURKing along

I was using Twitter but I stumbled upon another site and I think it's better. Now, if only my friends would start signing up... :( It would be great to know what's going on with you at the moment.

So, YOU (yes, you!)... Join me and let's PLURK!

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It's a meme Friday!

I got tagged by Grace. :o) And since I'm itching to post something, here it is:

1. What is your occupation? SAHM/Nurse.

2. What color are your socks right now? Don’t have any on right now.

3. What are you listening to right now? Here Comes The Sun by the Beatles.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Steamed white rice, ground pork in tomato sauce, misua soup and fruit salad.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yup!

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Emerald green.

7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? J.

8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, I met her through blogging and we seem to have hit it off well!

9. Favorite drink? Non-alcoholic: Banana-strawberry smoothie. Alcoholic: Beer and tequila (but I haven’t had any for so long *sigh*).

10. What is your favorite sport to watch? Basketball.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, 5 years ago.

12. Pets? A pug named Tyra.

13. Favorite food? Pasta and chocolates, yum!

14. Last movie you watched? Vantage Point on DVD.

15. Favorite Day of the year? My birthday, of course.

16. What do you do to vent anger? I cry and then I blog about it.

17. What was your favorite toy as a child? A stainless steel mini kitchen utensils set.

18. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Fall. It looks so romantic and the weather seems just perfect. And I love how the leaves turn from green to red and gold.

19. Hugs or kisses? Both!

20. What kind of pie? Banana cream pie.

21. Do you want your friends to email you back? Definitely.

22. Who is most likely to respond? Olga, Tara, and Dino.

23. Who is least likely to respond? Ginny… she’s always so busy.

24. Living arrangements? I’m staying with my in-laws right now but it’s all going to change on Tuesday because we fly to join my husband in Riyadh, yippee!

25. When was the last time you cried? About a week before I had my period. I’m a PMS train wreck, really.

26. What is on the floor of your closet? Bags and a great big plastic organizer.

27. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending/tagging this to? Olga.

28. The friend you have known the shortest amount of time that you are sending/tagging this to? NNG.

29. Favorite smell? Scent: Chanel No 5, Food: Freshly baked bread, On my man: Bulgari Blu.

30. What inspires you? My husband and my son (WHO inspires me, hehe!).

31. What are you afraid of? Death of a loved one.

32. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheeseburgers.

33. Favorite car? For myself, I’d like a Honda Jazz. As a mom, a family car like a Pajero Fieldmaster, nyahahaha!

34. Favorite cat breed? I’m allergic to cat hair… achoo!

35. Number of keys on your key ring? Just one for our room.

36. How many years at your current job? As a SAHM? Barely a year but I feel like it’s been a lifetime!

37. Favorite day of the week? Any day that my son isn’t too hyper and noisy.

38. How many provinces have you lived in? Two.

39. How many countries have you been to? Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. Italy, Thailand, Macau (PRC) & Dubai (UAE)… here I come!

I'm tagging Olga, NNG, Judee and whoever wants to play along. :)

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JUST. MOVE. ON.

Is there a woman out there who's never been duped or dumped by a guy? Or has been in a relationship that just didn't work out in the end? Yeah, I thought so.

Everyone gets hurt at one point or another. I don't believe that one person can feel more hurt or get more affected than the other. Betrayal, failure or rejection hits everyone just as hard. The only difference is how we deal with it. Some, after all the excessive crying, drinking, wallowing, shopping and eating is done, wake up one morning and make the decision to get on with life.

But some carry around all their baggage, even after they've said that they've moved on, acting like the perpetual victim... good gawd! Playing the damned damsel in distress is cute for a while and it helps inflate a guy's ego. But honey, after a couple of months, it just isn't fun anymore. Whether you do it consciously or subconsciously (a little introspection might help!), stop using your battle scars as a way to try and guilt the poor bastard into not leaving you.

Stop looking for someone to save you.  Save yourself. 

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Gift From The Sea

A quote from Anne-Morrow-Lindbergh's book Gift From The Sea.

"...the only continuity possible, in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity, in freedom; in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern... Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits -islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides."

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I love this email!

I usually don't like forwarded emails especially the ones that keep telling me to send it to five or ten or fifteen people for my prayers to be answered or for my wishes to be fulfilled. Prayers are always answered, be it a YES or a NO. And if I wanted my wishes to come to fruition then I'll just work hard for it. But I'm going off track. Anyway, sometimes there are a few rare emails, even if they're sent to me over and over again, that can really touch me and this is one of them.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. 

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season. 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. 

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

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Gabfest

It is so good to be able to talk to somebody who’s going through the same things as I am right now. Last week, I met up with my friend Jem in Makati. She used to be my gimik, shopping, lakwatsa and eating partner in Singapore. We resigned within a few months of each other for the same reasons: mommy-hood was calling.

Anyway, we had a late lunch at Italianni’s. The food was great but the conversation was the best. The last time we saw each other was at my son’s christening and I was too busy doing the rounds so I didn’t have time to really chat with her. We had a lot of catching up to do and that’s exactly what we did.

She updated me about our mutual friends from NKF and the latest gossip, hehe. Then we began swapping stories about the joys and pains of being first-time moms. We talked about how our priorities have changed, how we now think twice before buying anything especially for ourselves. We end up asking, “Do I really need this?” whereas before, if we liked something, we’d purchase it in a snap. And then there’s the luxury of taking a long bath *sigh*. These days, 10 minutes is considered a treat. There are days that we skip on the hair conditioner to save time. I used to scrub every other day but now it’s once a week, sometimes even once in two weeks. Going out now needs to be planned around the baby and whether there’s anyone available to babysit for a couple of hours. That day, Jem brought her little girl with her. She actually encouraged me to bring Jeolo along also but there was no way that I was taking him along with me from QC to Makati while commuting. I’d have been nuts to do that! And then, there was this sense of relief to be talking to someone without feeling that I was being judged about those times when I feel my patience wearing very thin because Jeolo is being extremely difficult. Those days when I’ve only had three hours of sleep because he kept me awake the whole night and then in the morning wants to be carried around the whole time. I’m tired, sleepy, my back hurts, my nerves are frayed and I’m ready to scream my head off. It’s a relief because she has those moments, too and she understands where I’m coming from.

It was a little sad that the day had to end but I missed my tiny imp and I wanted to be home before 6pm. We did promise to see each other again before Jeolo and I leave for Riyadh. And it’s wonderful to see that our friendship has extended farther than our contracts have.

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I got tagged!

Cricket tagged me for this 4 Things meme. Here goes!

4 Jobs I have had
1. Nurse - well, I have a degree in BSN so duh?! :)
2. Professional Healthcare Representative - I worked for Merck Sharp & Dohme for a year & 2 months. I didn't last because I couldn't stomach having to suck up to doctors just so they'd prescribe our meds.
3. Assistant - It was with our government's health department and I was an assistant to one of the program heads. She'd even ask me to help out with her daughter's homework, tsk, tsk!
4. Stay At Home Mom - by far the most difficult yet most fulfilling job of all! :)

4 Movies I watch over & over
1. Star Wars - only the first 3 movies that came out.
2. The Sound of Music - I have all the songs memorized.
3. Gone With The Wind - I know it's really long but I love it.
4. Casablanca 

4 Places I have lived
1. Zamboanga City, Philippines - born and bred here.
2. Riyadh, KSA
3. Singapore
4. Quezon City, Philippines

4 Shows I watch
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Heroes
4. CSI

4 Places I have been (outside my country)
1. Riyadh
2. Singapore
3. Malaysia
4. Indonesia

4 People who e-mail me
1. Olga
2. Dino
3. Judee
4. Eleanor

4 Favorite things to eat
1. Pasta! - spaghetti, baked zitti, carbonara, lasagna… love it!
2. Pizza
3. Chocolate
4. Kare-Kare

4 Places I would rather be
1. The beach. Preferably in Bantayan Island in Cebu.
2. In Riyadh with Je and our baby.
3. Backpacking in Europe.
4. In bed sleeping.

4 Things I look forward to this year
1. Joining my husband in Riyadh
2. Jeolo's first birthday
3. Getting back my pre-baby weight
4. Cooking more

4 People I am tagging
1. NNG
2. Grace at Sandier Pastures
3. RangersRus5
4. Whoever wants to play along!

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Prayers needed

I found this link, Confessions of a CF Husband, on NNG's blog. After I checked it out, my heart went out to this man, Nate, his pregnant wife Tricia and their yet unborn baby Gwyneth Rose. Tricia is afflicted with Cystic Fibrosis. She had been preparing for a double lung transplant until they discovered that she was pregnant. Tricia's been scheduled to have a C-Section tomorrow but it will be a very tricky process.

Please visit Nathan's blog and help pray for their family. Help pray for a miracle.

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We turned CRYSTAL

Last Friday, I attended my high school's Alumni Homecoming. And guess what? My class celebrated its 15th year. Wow… I'm still trying to wrap my head around that fact. I mean, we've all left our nests, created new lives for ourselves but in our hearts, we're still the teenagers who enjoyed terrorizing student teachers, played with water guns, marbles and chinese garters in the afternoons and giggled over our crushes. :o)

It was surprising to see our old teachers looking, well… old. They seemed so much larger than life 15 years ago and we were all quite in awe of them. At present, they merely look fat, old and exhausted. And us? Although we've changed and moved on, we still love to get together when we get the chance (which happens maybe once a year) and, for a few hours, we're back to being the kids whose biggest problems were surviving our last Physics quiz and whether our respective crushes would notice us *grin*.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to our year-end party and mini reunion on the 27th. Here's to a lot of gabbing, eating and drinking!

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Cheers!

My blog is something that's very personal to me. Whether it's to revel, bitch, give an opinion, reflect, diss, play… this is where I let it out. I didn't start this with any expectations that anyone else, besides my family and friends, would find interest in what I had to say. So, it's very heartwarming when I get hits and comments from people coming from other parts of the globe. It's wonderful to see the threads of commonality that exists among us.

Here's to new friendships! :o)

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A Pregnant Pause…

My dearest friend Tara surprised me last week when she suddenly called. Tara (a.k.a. Taratitat - Reyna ng Tong-its and my former counterpain, er… counterpart pala, hehe!) is now based in Florida and although we haven't seen each other in 5 years, the distance hasn't stopped us from being there for each other, along with Ivy, especially for the tough times.

It's an even greater feeling when we get to be part of one another's happiest moments. And this year has been one of the best. Ivy's baby Francesca turned a year old (after 3 years of trying to conceive), I gave birth to Jeolo and… Tara's pregnant! It came as a total surprise even to her, harhar. :o) She's due to give birth in January next year.

Mare, congratulations to you and Eldie! :o)

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the ex

I was standing outside our house this morning for Jeolo's morning dose of sunlight, when I noticed that the sari-sari store next to our house is named after one of my hubby's exes… *Grin*. And it got me to thinking… Why do we all make such a big deal about the ex? We’ve all been someone’s ex at one time or another. We’ve experienced detesting our significant other’s ex and we’ve gone through being loathed for being the ex. But what's all the fuss really about?

Personally, there‘ve been two times in my life that I‘ve ever had to tackle the "ex" thing. The first instance, the guy & I were great friends. Even after we broke up and got into other relationships, we constantly kept in touch. One day, his GF texted me out of the blue, introducing herself and all. In fairness, she wasn’t nasty to me or anything. She wanted to be friends which, to me, was a good idea. I was working abroad that time & she began to write me letters. Soon she was asking me for advice on how to deal with him every time they fought. None of my friends believed that I was doing all that with sincerity but I was. I didn’t have any hang-ups with that particular guy because we’d broken up so cleanly and I was also with someone else already. About a year after that, they got married and I made the decision to cut all communication with them. Not because I was hurt but because I knew, despite her befriending me, I’d always be an issue. She'd said one time that she was trying so hard to learn to understand him the way I understood him so that he could open up to her the way he could with me. I guess I wanted them to start their life together without me lurking in the background.

The second one’s a bit more complicated. He was also my friend first and already involved with someone (who was possessive, paranoid and, forgive me, desperate). He broke up with her so we could get together. But since our situation overseas made it difficult to have a normal set-up, things didn't work out and we went back to being just friends. And they got back together again. But she hated me with a passion especially since my ex refused to end his friendship with me. Even after I resigned and went back home, she did everything to make him stop communicating with me… like constantly deleting my phone number from his cell, confiscating his SIM card, throwing away stuff I’d given him or he’d borrowed from me. She was a real psycho. For heaven’s sake… I was thousands of miles away and living my own life! I think if she hadn’t been so controlling and jealous, they would have had a chance of making it. Maybe. But they didn’t.

After the hubby and I got engaged then married, there were a few times that we argued about exes. Like me, my hubby has stayed friends with a few of them, too. But while I made the choice to cut off contact with those men to prevent it from becoming a problem, he expected to carry on as before. Now, I understand that some of them were his friends before he even met me and I’m cool with that. However, I believe it’s merely showing your spouse respect not to go out of your way to keep in touch with them. I won't go berserk if they happen to bump into each other somewhere or that he, at least, gives me a heads-up first if their paths are bound to cross or have crossed. I say put yourself in your partner's shoes and see how it feels from that perspective. The hubby gets that now so it's a non-issue already.

And to answer my question at the start of this post, I think a large part of our attitudes regarding our better-half’s formers depends on how secure we feel with our partners. If our husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend gives us no reason to doubt how much they love us, how much they value and respect the relationship we have with them, the dreaded ex wouldn’t be such a nightmare. And speaking as an ex, “they” wouldn’t think so horribly of us if we didn't act like lovelorn b****es (or SOB's) towards our exes especially if they're already with someone else. We should never long for anyone from our past because there’s a reason why they never made it to our future.

Wouldn’t it be nicer if we could all just be friends? :o)

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"Children's Party"

Yesterday, I went to the 1st birthday party of one of my high school barkada's daughter. Most of the visitors were, of course, families with their kids in tow. The little ones were all dressed up in costumes such as Spiderman (there were several of those), Superman, Barbie and even Darna. We couldn't help laughing at Darna because her outfit was pretty skimpy and she was sitting right in front of the aircon. We could see her shivering... poor kid. Dora the Explorer was also there to the tots' delight as well as one very lively & witty clown. It got me thinking that around this time next year, we'll be throwing a party like that for our little boy. :o)

It was nice seeing some of my old friends again. It's been three years or more since I last saw some of them and it was really great being able to reconnect. We've all grown a bit older (and fatter, nyahahaha!) but, as they say, we've remained young at heart. We were still as loud and as magulo as ever! Well, we definitely gave the kids a run for their money in the noise department, hehe! Before the party started breaking up, everyone promised to set a day for lunch or dinner just for us... no kids or husbands or boyfriends allowed. I'm definitely looking forward to it.

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TOINK!

How’s a girl supposed to react when she finds out that her former boyfriend is actually… gay???

My friend (name withheld, hehe!) was mortified to find out only yesterday that her last boyfriend ay isa rin palang anak ni Eba. She’s only recently started feeling upbeat and optimistic again after their break up early this year and suddenly this. Parang pinaglaruan daw sya ng tadhana! Who would’ve thought that that tall, dark, handsome, clean cut hunk of a guy would turn out to be a kafatid?! Insensitive as I may sound, I couldn’t help but laugh after she told me. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that their relationship lasted only for as long as it did before he finally realized that he was more interested in curling her hair and borrowing her make up than being lovey-dovey with her. But I do understand why she feels so confounded by the news. Who wouldn’t?

Sigh… Life’s so full of surprises.

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