HIGHS & lows

I love being a mom. It's a wonderful feeling when I gaze upon my baby and realize that yes, he came from me. I carried him for nine months, putting aside my selfish desires, to ensure that he'd come out healthy and well. And when he flashes me one of his three different smiles, my heart melts and I turn to mush. And the realization that he was made from love makes it even more amazing.

But it's not all cutie, cuddly moments. When I've only gotten two hours of sleep the whole day and then my little angel suddenly decides that he's going to keep mama up the entire night, my patience is then sorely tested. It's okay if he's content merely lying in his crib and gulping down his milk but nooooooo… He refuses to sleep in his crib, preferring my big pillow instead. So I end curled up at the foot of my bed while he occupies the other half. Then he starts crying. Great… *sigh of resignation*. I try to give him milk which he refuses. I rock him a bit and there's silence… *big sigh of relief*. I slowly move away and try to find the best position to get some sleep. I'm just beginning to slip into blissful unconsciousness when he suddenly begins bawling again. Oh God, no! I scoop him up and cradle him in my arms. After struggling and squirming around for about 10 minutes, he goes back to sleep. I slowly try to put him down… And his eyes fly wide open and the wailing resumes. The cycle repeats itself a few times more. I'm ready to scream my head off. My nerves are frayed, my patience worn thin, I'm totally bushed and lethargic from lack of sleep. I can't even think straight anymore.

I look out the window and the sun has begun to rise. Shit. Somebody kill me now.