On letting go

My friend Heidi asked me why my blog's theme is about letting go. I guess it sounds like something someone with a broken heart would say. And that's what I'm definitely not right now.

To "let go" is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

However, I'm at a point in my life when so many things are happening, so many changes are taking place that I feel a little lost and helpless. I've felt this way several times in my life and it took quite a while for me to learn that in times like these, the more I try to take control of everything, the more I lose it.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes,
and cherish myself in it.

For a long time, before I got married, I couldn't quite figure out why my relationships never seemed to work. I tried to manipulate circumstances just to make them come off the way I wanted them to. It would all eventually blow up in my face *sigh*. In time, I learned to love myself more and to live each day the best I could… with or without a man by my side.

To "let go" is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

I also used to rehash mistakes I'd made or events that didn't work out over and over in my mind, thinking of ways that I could have done differently. But no matter how much I thought about it, it didn't make a difference. What was done, was done. All I could do was to take what I could from the experience and hope that next time I'd know better what to do (parang kanta 'to ah?).

To "let go" is to fear less,
and love more.

It's scary to put yourself out there again especially after your heart's been trampled upon a couple of times. But something happened in my life once that taught me to never leave things unsaid or undone, no matter if the outcome would be positive or not.

And when I reached the age of 30, still single and unattached, I finally really and completely let go. Beginning of 2005, I prayed and told God that I was leaving everything up to Him. I said I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship that wouldn't go anywhere. Even if it would get lonely, I'd manage. If there was no one meant for me, I prayed He'd help me understand why. But if there was someone, whether we'd already met or had yet to meet, I hoped that we'd both realize that "Hey, this is the person I want to be with the rest of my life" when the right time came. And I recall praying that, God willing, I'd meet that person that year, get engaged and married by the time I was 31 and become a mother before I turned 32. Guess what? My prayers were all answered… right before my 32nd birthday next month. :o)