Fire, rain and a mozzie

Well, I've definitely had a very eventful few months.

First, I was admitted for dengue fever for the third time in my life in the last week of August. I was admitted for four days but, thankfully, my episode was complication-free. The key to surviving dengue is early detection, staying hydrated and being closely monitored. When you suddenly develop a high-grade fever that lasts for 3 days or more, be proactive and visit your doctor instead of self-medicating and waiting for more symptoms to appear or to get worse. Never take anything for granted especially when it comes to your health.

Then, our city came under siege when Nur Misuari's band of MNLF bandits entered Zamboanga with the intent of taking City Hall and flying their flag there to assert their independence in the early hours of September 9. What ensued was 19 days of fighting with hundreds of hostages taken, homes razed to the ground, many lives lost and terror taking over our lives. Here's an article that chronicled what happened: Timeline - The Zamboanga crisis and what went before.

My husband, our two kids and myself were able to leave the city on the 13th day of the siege when flights resumed. Despite being safe away in QC, I was still worried sick because my parents had chosen to stay in the city. My brother, who's a soldier in the PAF and a member of the medical rescue team, had to go into the hotzone several times to pick up wounded soldiers with only a kevlar vest for protection. You can probably imagine what that was like for me and my family.

Then, on October 6, the boys and I were scheduled to fly back to Zamboanga. The city had been experiencing nonstop rains for two days already and I thought the airline would be cancelling our flight but we took off anyway. On the plane's final descent, the pilot suddenly pulled up and diverted our flight to Davao because the runway in Zamboanga was flooded. After 19 days of intense fighting and continued clearing ops, Zamboanga had to deal with severe flooding the likes of which hadn't occurred since the 50s.

After refuelling in Davao, we were flown back to Manila and our tickets were rebooked to another date. We stayed another five days in QC before we were finally able to return home.

Today, our city is trying to rebuild what was destroyed in the fighting and the flooding. Hundreds are still homeless and hungry. People are still fearful and paranoid. It's going to take some time before any of us can say that life is truly back to normal but we're trying. With God's blessing, we will get there.

Mood Music: Hey World (Don't Give Up) by Michael Franti

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When it rains

Have I ever mentioned how much I love rainy days? I think it stems from having such good memories associated with it since childhood. Memories of playing under the rain with other neighborhood kids, and walking home from school with my friends, drenched and happy.

Rainy days also make me thoughtful and quiet. I have this favorite poem that kind of sums up the thoughts running through my head on this dark, rainy afternoon in Zamboanga.

When It Rains

by Ryan Kathman

Flintlock Spring 2000

"What reason weaves, by passion is undone." - Alexander Pope

We all pick our noses

And it's gross.

The key is,

To be spotted the least,

Rarely chided,

And often washed.

We say the things we wanted to say,

Ten minutes later, when we're in the car,

Pounding the steering wheel -

Like that'll help.

Unless the car is the Delorian from

"Back to the future"-

Which is unlikely.

We all wish we could trade lives with our pets

Once in a while.

Because sleeping where the sun hits best

And licking oneself in public

Are joys we will seldom know.

We weigh ourselves down

with the girth of our gods,

The depth of our demons,

And the mesmerizing and lonesome

Space of ceiling just above our beds.

We are not who we want to be

Nor who we hoped to be,

But we laugh out loud in empty rooms

And stare into the bathroom mirror,

To practice thanking the academy.

We are fickle, funny, and profoundly strange.

Accomplishing little, sacrificing less.

Aware of mortality, yet daring to be fat.

Desperately wanting to get over ourselves,

But secretly hoping for someone who never will.

And as I sit at this stoplight, in this classroom, in this restaurant,

With gentle rain crashing to the sidewalk outside,

Thinking of people, listening to people,

Watching stories brush by my face like a silent storm, 

I realize I probably don't love my parents enough

And I have no idea why.

And I believe none of us has any idea what the hell we're doing here.

But we don't seem to go away. And we smile briefly at one another.

And we are all a little quieter when it rains.

Mood Music: Rainy Day, Dream Away by Jimi Hendrix

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Imperfectly perfect at SEVEN

J and I are celebrating our seventh year of marriage today. We both can't help but be amazed at how the years seem to have whizzed by. :L

It hasn't been a picture perfect relationship but we have been able to take whatever life has thrown at us so far. We've been blessed with two beautiful kids and a love that has enabled us to stay committed to our marriage and to each other.

As I look at where we are now in our lives as a couple, lines from Ani DiFranco's song Imperfectly keeps playing in my head:

We get a little further from perfection
Each year on the road,
I guess that's what they call character,
I guess that's just the way it goes... 

And I know that it's not all
It's made out to be
Let's show them how it's done
Let's do it all imperfectly.

We've gotten past the starry-eyed naiveté typical of newlyweds and have plunged headlong into a life where plans continue to change or fall apart, of expectations that haven't been or aren't met but which sometimes turn out for the better, and of dreams that we have sacrificed or are letting go of because we realize that life is no longer all about our individual selves.

But you know what's the best part of it all? It's knowing that it's better to go through all these ups and downs of marriage with my best friend by my side and believing that together we can take whatever else is going to come our way.

Happy Anniversary, Dadoo. I love you. <3


Mood Music: Imperfectly by Ani DiFranco

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Respect

v.t. To consider worthy of esteem; to regard with honor.  

n. Esteem; regard;consideration; honor

I've been thinking about this word a lot lately. People bandy it about so carelessly, expecting to receive it but never even pausing to wonder if they truly command it or deserve it.

Like in most Asian countries, the expression of respect is firmly rooted in the Filipino culture. We are expected to show and give respect to everyone around us but most especially to our elders, whether they be family, friends or acquaintances. It also applies to people in authority and to those who have accomplished much personally or professionally.

However, while I may be respectful towards others, it doesn't mean that I'll continue to respect someone who doesn't know how to give it back. It irritates me no end when people use their age or position in life to expect or demand respect when they behave like eight-year-old brats. It may be given to you freely at the beginning but to keep it, you have to earn it. Being older or being more influential doesn't give you a free ticket to belittle, demean or disregard what others have to say.

Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Listen and keep an open mind. Genuine respect for you will soon follow.

"Respect is a two-way street: if you want to get it, you've got to give it." - R. G. Risch

Mood Music: Everyday People by The Family Stone and Prince

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We said "Cheese!"

It's been a week since we had our group photo shoot and I still get molar-to-molar smiles every time I look at our pictures. I had no idea how hard it is to be a model in a photo shoot, whew! I think we spent the first hour and a half just trying to loosen up to get rid of our awkward smiles and poses. None of us except Eisilane, who has worked as a local model since we were in high school, has ever had any camwhore-ish inclinations so you can just imagine how difficult it was for us. When we finally did start getting the hang of it, it also began to rain to we had to pack up early and go home.

Anyway, here are a few outtakes of our hilariously fun day together. And please humor us old fogeys. ;)

The "Queen's" transformation.

Olga getting her makeup and hair done then trying out Keith's wig.

Keith tried to get a close-up of my eyes but ended up snapping my big face.

In-between shots.

Eisilane's still doing the post processing for the photos that came out well and I'll share a couple once she sends them out to us. We also talked about planning another shoot in August. That should give us enough time to lose some weight and for Keith, our "queen", to minimize his sun exposure and get a little fairer skinned. I also think we'll be more at ease next time because we now have an idea what's expected of us. 

All in all, it was a wonderful day spent eating, heckling and laughing at ourselves and at each other. There's nothing quite like the comfort of spending time with people who've seen you at your best and worst.

"Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters." - DMB

Mood Music: Best of What's Around by Dave Matthews Band

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Strike a pose

Last Wednesday, I met up with three of my closest friends from high school. We discussed the group photo shoot we'll be having this Saturday over bowls of halo-halo and platters of pancit. Originally, the shoot was supposed to be for Keith alone with Eisilane as his makeup artist/stylist/photographer (she's our all-around artist). But since Olga and I couldn't bear to pass up on an opportunity to heckle the bakla to death, we said that we'd tag along. Eisilane's hubby then suggested that we turn it into a group thing with him doing the photog work instead.

I've never been the subject of a real photo shoot that's why I'm feeling a bit apprehensive. I don't want to end up looking like I tried too hard. However, knowing my friends, I know it's going to be a riot on Saturday. Plus I'll be getting an impromptu lesson on taking portraits from Elaine. :D

Anyway, I hope all goes well tomorrow. If it does, I'll try to post some of our behind-the-scenes photos next week. And if it doesn't, at least I'm sure we will have had lots of fun trying. 

Posted with Blogsy

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Holy Week

When I was young, Holy Week in our house meant less TV time, no loud music, no boisterous laughter and no rambunctious playing with friends beginning on Holy Monday until Black Saturday. On Good Friday, we would watch videos of Spartacus, King of Kings and The Ten Commandments before going to watch the Santo Entierro procession in the afternoon. At dawn on Easter Sunday, we would go to the church plaza for the reenactment of the imagined reunion of Christ with his mother Mary after His resurrection. Our family was never big on doing the Visita Iglesia because my father never really did understand the point of it.

When I got older, I still preferred to observe Holy Week pretty much the way we did back then except that I did Bible readings on my own as well as meditated and reflected about my life and my relationship with God and the people around me. And it's still what I do today.

I guess each family and each person has their own way of observing Holy Week. Whether we fast, flog ourselves, go on a vacation, do the Visita Iglesia/Stations of the Cross, let's not forget what this week is really about. For me it's about remembering and understanding Jesus' unconditional love and great sacrifice for us as well as it being an opportunity to personally take a good hard look at myself and see if I'm the person He intended me to be. The answer, of course, is that I'm not but I will continue trying to be.
  

Mood Music: Amazing Grace by Hayley Westenra

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To the man I'm growing old with

It's my husbo's birthday today. Unfortunately, we have to spend it apart again this year. It makes me sad but I want to make an effort and celebrate him. I usually try to avoid public displays of affection but I decided to break the rule and have a go at it. 


Hey, Sweetie.

It's your birthday but I feel that I'm the one who's received the best gift ever. YOU.

In the 6 years that we've been together (ten if we count the roller-coaster years), I have come to see, appreciate and experience the kind of person that you are. And I'd like to highlight 36 of the countless wonderful reasons why I love you beyond measure and beyond time.

1. You love me unconditionally.
2. You have the cutest dimples.
3. You love your parents.
4. You love my parents.
5. You are very forgiving.
6. You're a whole lot nicer than I am and it balances things out perfectly.
7. You think I'm hot whether I'm a size 6 or a size 12.
8. You have a smile that lights up a room.
9. You're always willing to help people.
10. You work hard.
11. Despite what some may say, it doesn't bother you to do the laundry for us.
12. You always smell absolutely delicious.
13. You're generous to a fault.
14. You change diapers.
15. Your innate sweetness has been passed on to our boys. I'm sooooo lucky!
16. You're confident.
17. You have the kind of street smarts that I wish I possessed.
18. You're willing to reflect and learn from your mistakes.
19. You make me laugh harder than anyone can.
20. You hold me tight when I cry.
21. You're not too proud to say you're sorry.
22. You supported me, and have kept supporting me, through periods of growth and discovery even when you weren't sure of the outcome.
23. You are sexy. ;D
24. You have the patience of a saint not only with me but also with our boys.
25. Even when people sometimes try to take advantage of you, you don't allow it to embitter you.
26. You may not be one for planning grand surprises but you still manage to surprise me anyway.
27. You actually listen to me.
28. You're a great friend. I hope your friends realize how blessed they are.
29. You cook me my favorite dishes.
30. You've started making your health a top priority.
31. You keep proving to me that I married the right man without even trying.
32. You're man enough to admit that you enjoy watching teleseryes, hehe.
33. You take care of us.
34. You make the kids and I feel safe.
35. You are an exemplary son and brother.
36. You love the Lord.

You're my heart and soul. My rock. The one I choose not to live without because you make my life better by just being in it.

May the Lord continue to guide you, take care of you, bless you with wisdom, courage, strength and at least 5 more decades of a wonderful life with us. I love you.


Mood Music: Grow Old With Me by John Lennon

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No day like today

While attending the wake of my FIL last week, I had the chance to observe how members of the family, as well as those who came to pay their respects, dealt with Papa's passing and realized that these last rites are more about the living than the dead.

Yes, wakes are organized to honor the person who passed on but I now see it more as an opportunity for family and friends to have a venue to grieve, to reminisce, to comfort each other for their loss. For some, it's a way of trying to make up for any perceived shortcomings they may have had towards the deceased in order to help ease the burden of their guilt.

Having witnessed all that has made me resolve to do my best to show the people I care about how much I love them and value them while they're still alive. We may fight, disagree and hurt each other sometimes but I want them to know, in no uncertain terms, that they are loved and respected.

I need to make every day count.


Mood Music: An Original Man by The Yardbirds

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Until we meet again

"All Is Well" by Henry Scott Holland

We all knew that Papa's time with us was limited once he was diagnosed with stage 3 liver cancer last February but none of us were prepared to suddenly lose him without warning last Sunday, September 23. He actually "survived" until Tuesday but it was only through the aid of medications and a ventilator but the husbo and I knew he wasn't really there anymore. The family just needed Papa to hold on until J arrived from overseas so he could say his goodbye.

For the seven years that I was blessed to know Papa, I saw a man who loved his family above everyone and everything else except God. I never saw him angry nor heard him say anything bad about anyone. He was jolly, quirky, makulit, generous and kindhearted. He loved food. He never stopped dreaming. And his faith in our Lord never wavered.

I am crying as I'm writing this. I'm crying for the loss of someone I came to love dearly and to respect immensely. I'm crying for my husband who has lost his wonderful, loving father; for my mother-in-law who has lost her love and lifetime partner; for my boys who will never truly know one of the men I would've wanted them to emulate when they grow up, and whose love would've helped shelter, strengthen and comfort them through life.

To borrow words from Jimi Hendrix's The Story of Life:

The story of life
is quicker than
the wink of an eye,
The story of love
is hello and goodbye,
Until we meet again.

See you on the other side, Papa. We love you. <3


Mood Music: The End of the End by Paul McCartney

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His second name is "Sugar"

Yesterday morning when I brought Jeolo to school, his K1 teacher told me of what happened in her class the day before.

The kids' break time had just finished but most of them refused to settle down even after she repeatedly asked them to go back to their seats. The boys were especially rowdy while the girls chatted with their friends. She suddenly felt a bit overwhelmed and sat down on her desk while staring at her class. Jeolo stood up and approached her.

J: "Teacher Rica, what's wrong?"
TR: "I want to go home, Jeolo."
J: "Why, Teacher Rica?"
TR: "Because I have a headache."
J: "I'll give you a hug."

And he went and gave her a hug. Then, Jeolo asked:

"Tighter?"

She said she couldn't help but laugh and be touched. :)

I have the sweetest and most sensitive little boy. I'm very blessed. <3 

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Reawakening

My blog has lain dormant for some time now. I've tried posting occasionally but I couldn't find the inspiration to sustain it. Anyway, here's another attempt and I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep it up this time.

Where do I start? Well, you must have gathered from reading my last few posts that I was pretty furious at someone. All I can say about that is that you're very lucky if you've been blessed not only with a wonderful husband but also with siblings-in-law who don't resent you. I have not been as fortunate and although it saddens me, I've also decided that I will move on from it. I will not waste my time trying to get along with an almost middle-aged brat.

Moving on, I'm busy getting ready for my boys' birthdays this coming week. We'd originally planned to have a major kiddie party for both of them but an unexpected incident happened, which I'll blog about separately, that made it very impractical for us to push through with our initial plans. Instead, I'll be preparing a simple spread for Jeolo here at home with only our family in attendance then a small thanksgiving lunch with close friends and family for Liam's first birthday.

I also recently took the IELTS again after 10 years and passed it with flying colors, hehe. An opportunity has come up and I'm hoping that it's finally the one I've been waiting for for so long. While the majority of my nursing colleagues have always dreamt of finding, and many have found, their greener pastures in the USA, my dream since I was in sixth grade has been to migrate to the Land Down Under. Maybe I should just click my ruby slippers instead.

Wait.. where the heck are my ruby slippers anyway? :d

Mood Music: Get Up Offa That Thing by James Brown

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You live, you learn.

A long time ago, a good friend told me that my unwavering loyalty would turn out to become one of my greatest virtues but also the source of my biggest downfalls in life. He was SO right.

WhileI would fight, literally and figuratively, to the death for someone I love (family or dearest friends), I probably shouldn't expect the same from them. Everyone handles things differently and I shouldn't forget that.

Still, knowing that doesn't make the realization that I sometimes need to fight alone any less disappointing and painful.

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LOL for the day

I guess you can gather from my last post that I was quite in a bad mood yesterday which extended up to this morning. Fortunately, I spent the rest of my day with a toddler and two preschoolers who were busy watching videos and playing games on an iPad and they managed to distract me from my murderous rage.

Here's my favorite exchange from today:

Kloe: Tita, asan yung tooth fairy (referring to a video my son played earlier) dito?
Me: Andyan lang yon, hanapin mo lang.

After a few seconds...

Kloe: Tita, wala yung tooth fairy dito.
Kishi (2 year old): Eh di toothpaste na lang!

Mood Music: Laughing at Life by Billie Holiday

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"...you won't like me when I'm angry."

I am seething with anger right now. If there's one thing I absolutely hate is when people don't address me directly when they have something to say to me. I believe it's the height of poor taste, immaturity and ill-breeding when a person resorts to indirect verbal aggression instead of confronting someone and talking to them in a civilized manner.

Act your damned age, for cripes' sake! I've tried to tolerate your juvenile attitude for long enough and only out of respect for certain people. But you've finally crossed the line and I have no qualms about cutting you out of my life. You are a miserable, sad little person and it's not my responsibility to give you any love or understanding. Good fucking riddance.

BUT, before then...

Mood Music: Taste Revenge by Sanctuary

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Caught up again

When I wrote I'd be back in a few, I hadn't really planned for it to mean "in a few DAYS" but I got caught up again with so many things that had to be dealt with first. Anyway, let me just give you a brief rundown of the last six months that I've been away from my blog:

Me. I've finished a year of graduate school already, yippee! That's 18 units down and 24 to go (I think, hehe!). Don't ask me how I managed because I have no idea how.

My battle with my post pregnancy weight has been a rollercoaster ride. I lose, I gain then lose again and so on. What's worse is that my ortho doctor has banned me from doing any jogging/running for now because of my back. I guess I'll have give more emphasis on my diet - low carb, low fat, high protein. Bummer.

My boys. Jeolo finished his first year of school, yay! They didn't have any grad rites because the school admin thinks the entire celebration would be lost on the kids. They said only the parents would derive some satisfaction from it and I actually agreed with them. I can be so unsentimental sometimes. I do celebrate the advances Jeolo has made. He can now write his full name and nickname, color within the lines and in one direction, recite poems, sing songs, dance, do simple addition, subtraction and understand the concept of fractions. He constantly surprises me with how much he's grown.

Liam's seven months old now and drooling like a leaky fire hydrant. He loves being around a lot of people and is so much more even-tempered than Jeolo was at his age. He still can't crawl but compensates by rolling like a log (he resembles one, too). He totally adores his kuya and I can't wait to see the two of them play and fight together.

Husbo's coming home next month so the boys and I will be off to QC to see him. His homecoming isn't as joyous as it should be because my FIL is in the middle of a health crisis and it has all of us stressed and saddened. We're staying positive though.

Oops, have to skedaddle because Kuya's asking me to play with him. The perks of being a mom. :D

Mood Music: Awful Beautiful Life

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So good to be back!

It's summer and school's finally over for now. I haven't posted anything for some time but I'm going to try and get my groove back on again with my blog. There's so much to tell but I don't know where to begin. I need to organize my thoughts a bit first then I'll write a more substantial update.

Be back in a few!


Mood Music: Song of my Returning by Pinhead Gunpowder

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falling in love for the third time

Two weeks ago, on August 24, I had another prenatal checkup with my OB. She saw me at around quarter to one in the afternoon and after doing an internal exam, we found out I was dilated by 2cm. She sent me home to get my stuff and asked me to return ASAP for admission.

By 3pm, I was in the labor room. I'd started to feel mild contractions but didn't really expect it to progress very quickly since it took me 20 hours before my firstborn came out four years ago.

But by 4:30, my contractions became stronger and came closer together. After that, everything seemed to whiz by in a haze of pain and by 6:10 that evening, the newest addition to our family was born.

I'm pretty much zombified at this point but I'm not complaining. I've fallen in love again and having three wonderful men in my life is just awesome.

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Waiting

Last week, I noticed that I could breathe easier again but, in exchange for this minor relief, I began to feel pain and pressure around my pelvic and suprapubic regions that has made sleeping and turning in bed an ordeal. I had a feeling that my baby had already dropped and on last Wednesday's checkup, my OB confirmed it. My baby was engaged and I wasn't even on my 37th week yet. 

It made me a little worried because Jeolo's birthday is coming up and I don't want my two boys to share the same birth date or even the same birth week. I voiced my concern and she told me to take it easy and be less active if I wanted to delay the inevitable for a few more days. Done!

The whole thing has made me anxious though and the very frequent Braxton-Hicks contractions I've been getting for the last two days have not helped. I'm still hoping that I'll be able to get through next week without popping the bub out. I'm really excited to see him though and hold him in my arms and nip those little feet that have been torturing my poor ribs. :D

Anyway, please send me your positive vibes and prayers that I'll have a safe delivery and a normal, healthy baby. Thanks!

Mood Music: Waiting for Baby by The Soft Eyes

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my pregnancy lifesavers

Since I'm now on my third trimester of pregnancy, the dreaded discomforts like hip and back soreness caused by my heavy belly and loosening pelvic bones, itchiness, inability to get a good night's sleep and occasional leg cramps (my first time to experience it!), have already began bothering me. And in the search for some relief, here are a few of the things that have become my staples for the time being.

Maternity Belly Support. 

RelaxMaternity Silver Productive Girdle

I actually bought this when I was pregnant with Jeolo. I had no idea about its supposed protective benefits, etc. All I wanted was something I could discreetly wear beneath my clothes yet would still provide me with adequate support to take some of the strain off my back. Thank goodness it still fits me!

Pigeon Maternity Adjustable Belt

I also needed something I could wear around the house or when I went for my walking exercise and I got this from Baby and Co. in SM. I love how it firmly but comfortably supports my tummy. It makes everything feel several pounds lighter which makes my hips and back sing "hallelujah!".

Palmer's Tummy Butter. 

Palmer's Tummy Butter

I'm thankful that I seem to have inherited my mom's genes when it comes to developing stretch marks because I barely had any during my first pregnancy and, so far, I've only noticed one that's appeared on my butt. My skin does feel very dry and itchy though probably from all the stretching it's going through and this product soothes it in no time. I'd also like to believe that it has helped keep those ugly marks away.

Comfy Shoes.

I didn't want to wear flip flops my entire pregnancy so I was lucky when my SIL sold me this pair of ultra comfy flats she got from the US. The faux suede material is very soft and has a little stretch to it that's why my preggo feet are very happy. :D

Bananas.

I didn't experience any leg cramps with my first pregnancy but found out how painful it was with this one. I've had them thrice so far. To avoid any more episodes, I made an effort to include bananas in my daily diet and it has worked. I did have to increase my water and fiber intake though, hehe.

Wedge Pillow.

I remember how my big tummy used to bother me especially during the third trimester when I was having Jeolo. Aside from it being difficult to move around on the bed, I also felt like my tummy was hanging in midair and it put additional strain on my back, too. This wedge pillow I bought from Mothercare helps me get a better night's sleep by supporting my below while I'm lying on my side. I do have to make a conscious effort to take the wedge with me when I change positions at night. It's also great as a back support when I'm sitting on a chair or in the car.

Classical Music.

No, I'm not a sucker for the classical music = smart baby theory although it wouldn't hurt if studies later manage to unequivocally confirm it. But I find it very soothing and relaxing to listen to classical music and I do believe that a cool, calm and collected mommy = a happy baby.

And these are some of the things that are helping me through the last leg of my pregnancy journey. :)

Mood Music: Pachelbel's Canon in D Major (Piano)

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