Damned If You Don't

I hate it whenever I check my e-mail and there's a ton of ridiculous forwarded junk in it that never seem to end. Most of them are inane, threatening and absolutely pointless… If I don't forward it to ten other people in the next couple of minutes, my best friend's going to kick the bucket or some other dire consequence is going to befall me. So, here are 11 Reasons You Shouldn't Forward Me That Email:

11. I eat puppies, kittens, and other cute animals, and sending me pictures of them only makes me hungry for more.

10. I've been on the Internet forever and have already seen/heard/smelled whatever you're sending before.

9. You'd like me to remain your friend.

8. I don't care if the kid dies from cancer. (well, I do but…)

7. I have a sense of humor and that joke isn't remotely funny.

6. If you forward that message to ten of your friends then a unicorn dies.

5. You'll prove once and for all that I'm smarter than you.

4. I am actually hoping to get robbed/mugged/carjacked.

3. If I wanted to see pictures of babies, I'd buy an Anne Geddes book.

2. If it doesn't have to do with making my boobs bigger then I don't want it in my Inbox.

1. Bill Gates already sent me my free Xbox, $1000, and tickets to Disney. I don't want to be greedy.