on being a new mom

Can anyone really and truly be ready to become a mother? Perhaps in terms of financial security and maturity you can but to have your heart walking outside of your body… there's no way anyone can prepare for that.

My baby's only a month old and the most danger he can face is if any of us adults, who are supposed to be taking care of him, fail at it. He's still totally dependent on us for everything. And it's scary to be responsible for someone else's life. There are times that I think I'm not even doing such a great job taking care of myself so how can I expect to do a better one with my son? It's crazy.

Yet somehow, I'm getting by. As Jeolo grows so do I. Each day teaches me new things. I've become stronger. For how else could you stand seeing your little one crying because a nurse has given him his vaccination shot or he's having colic? I wept the first time he had a tummy ache because I knew he was feeling pain. But I can't cry every time it happens, can I? I have to find a way to relieve the hurting instead of breaking down. I've also become more patient. For how else could you not scream in frustration when you've only slept an hour or two and your son is bawling at the top of his lungs at 3 am and you've done all that you possibly can short of bringing him to the ER? At first, I thought I'd failed miserably as a mom for behaving the way I did but I recently found out that my sis-in-law had the same experience. Her baby had stayed awake and howling from 1 to 6 am. What did she do? She ran home to her own mother, baby in tow, also crying *grin*.

I know I've barely scratched the surface on how it is to be a mom. There'll be bigger and more serious things to fret about as he grows up. But with God's grace, I hope to become a great parent to Jeolo.