Who's got my back?

If I'm ever going to be in a brawl, these are the guys I'd want in my band of thugs:

Chuck Norris
Because there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Jack Bauer
Because he doesn't need a translator. Torture sounds the same in every language.

King Leonidas
Come on, you DID watch the movie, right? Plus he has 300 Spartans on his team.