Breaking Away

I was reading through my journal last night and I found one entry where I was reflecting on how much I've changed over the years. It made me feel proud of myself over how much I've overcome. I've never been a competitive person but I always keep challenging myself to try and do better, to break out of my comfort zones and see what happens.

When I was in my teens, I was extremely insecure of the way I looked, my intelligence, my talents. There were so many things that I wanted to do but I was always scared of making a fool of myself. If someone gave me a compliment, I'd think that person was just making fun of me. Yet there was something in me that pushed me to try and overcome my self-defeating attitude. I was constantly comparing myself to other people that I couldn't see I had my good points, too. I was so nice to the extent that I'd become a doormat.

I honestly didn't like myself and I vowed to change that. I began to take more pride in what I could do instead of constantly beating myself up over what I couldn't do. I began to play up my strengths and accept my weaknesses. And I fought the urge to keep trying to please people because I realized that no matter what I did, there'd always be someone who would have something bad to say about it. As long as I knew that my conscience was clear, to hell with what anyone else thought of me. I began to take my fears head on, all the while telling myself that if I failed, at least I knew that it wasn't for me. And it was gratifying to find out, most of time, that that which I was afraid of was just so silly.

It's funny when I meet people I knew from elementary and high school and they don't recognize me. I've changed that much. I'm happy with the person I've become. Not perfect but just me.